Funny Quotes
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I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.
Stephen King
Subject: Funny QuotesSource: brainyquote.com -
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Henry A. Kissinger
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Lost a planet Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing …
Yoda
Subject: Embarrassment Quotes :: Funny QuotesSource: thinkexist.com
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When you invite the whole world to your party, inevitably someone pees in the beer.
Xeni Jardin
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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Will Shriner
Keywords: and :: car :: die :: grandfather :: his :: in :: like :: my :: not :: passengers :: screaming :: sleep :: the :: to :: want :: yellingSubject: Death and Dying Quotes :: Funny QuotesSource: thinkexist.com
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Older people shouldn`t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
George Burns
Subject: Funny QuotesSource: brainyquote.com
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If my films make one more person miserable, I`ll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen
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Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Robert Orben
Keywords: children :: hand :: it :: leaves :: midsection :: never :: raise :: to :: unprotected :: yourSubject: Funny QuotesSource: brainyquote.com
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I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I`m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
Robert McCloskey
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One of life`s greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn`t good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.
Proverb
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Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns
Mitch Ratcliffe
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Be able to go shopping for a bathing suit and not become depressed afterward.
Marilyn vos Savant
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I`m an idealist. I don`t know where I`m going, but I`m on my way.
Carl Sandburg
Subject: Funny QuotesSource: brainyquote.com
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Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.
Lynda Montgomery
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Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright
Subject: Funny QuotesSource: brainyquote.com
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I like marriage. The idea.
Toni Morrison
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I never said most of the things I said.
Yogi Berra
Subject: Funny QuotesSource: brainyquote.com
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There`s a great power in words, if you don`t hitch too many of them together.
Josh Billings
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Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Josh Billings
