I knew what book we had to write, it was clear in my head; it was journals and poetry. So I passed on their offer. I told my agent this is our vision, and no one`s done it this way.
I had to get in touch with the source, I had to go back into my abandonment issues with my mother, I had to go into issues with my father I hadn`t even looked at before.
I couldn`t have come up with a better metaphor for my life and my internal conflict. It amazes me how quickly we can manifest our fears; not only had I created my `I`m never satisfied, I`ll drive her away` nightmare.
I couldn`t be in a relationship and behave like somebody else or pretend I felt something I didn`t feel. And that includes saying things I thought might jeopardize the relationship.
I am not as scared about people tearing this one up as I would have been in the past because of the basis in `knowing` this one has. There are people out there that are hungry for this.